Vulnerability is often misconstrued as weakness. During our formative years, many of us were told to conceal our emotions, to act strong, to “be a man”. Trusting others can be challenging due to past experiences. The fear of being transparent feels akin to standing naked in a market place. How does one begin to unlearn these long-held ideologies?
My journey with vulnerability spans over three decades. Let’s just say it’s an ongoing battle, or should I say process so it doesn’t sound too daunting or like an insurmountable hurdle. This post has been in the making for two months just to give you a bit of context. See… Ongoing process.
My struggle with vulnerability can be traced back to series of events that happened when I was younger. These experiences shaped my thoughts and cast aspersions on my understanding of human behaviour. My supposition was to trust no one, as one can never know people’s true intentions.
I became reticent as a protective shield, a coping mechanism rooted in the fear of being hurt and truly seen. I became an expert at masking the various emotions I had, smiling through it all to deflect inquiries about my well-being and avoid conflicts. Lord knows I did not like those!
Smiling became a part of me and was somehow a norm as I grew older. I often questioned why I smiled excessively, realising it was not quite “normal”.
You see, as human beings the more we do things, we become it and along the way, we forget the root cause of certain behaviours, why we do what we do or why we are the way we are. This is why periodic introspection is crucial, as it shows you what led to certain behaviours. It’s also an opportunity that highlights that you can indeed change if you wanted to, contrary to what we tell ourselves sometimes- ‘that’s just the way I am’. Okay, I digress.
I hated the idea of being transparent and letting people in as it felt uncomfortable. Let’s just say I built walls and even panic rooms just in case the walls were not fortified enough. With that, I knew there were certain emotions I had grown numb to and could never feel because I hadn’t allowed anyone close enough to evoke such feelings. For example, relationship heartbreak from friends, a love interest, etc.
The universe has a peculiar way of responding to our “Nevers”. It’s almost like it hears you and then goes, Challenge accepted! Before you know it, life humbles you real quick. That for me, happened in 2020. They say it takes one encounter or an experience to spark behavioural change. For me, it was developing a personal relationship with God and if I’m being honest, an encounter with someone. That’s a story for another day.
Being transparent is difficult as it requires a certain level of openness. I have learned that I can be strong and vulnerable at the same time. I can be vulnerable and still guard my heart. It has enabled me to love fully and express myself authentically. I am no longer robbed of the possibility of receiving the purest form of love from others.
It turns out that when you share things going on with you, it also gives others the courage to share what is also going on with them. It facilitates problem-solving, it strengthens bonds and most importantly, it’s liberating. Nothing is assumed and nothing is living rent free in your mind.
That’s my journey thus far. Now for you, vulnerability might hold varied meanings and I hope you embark on your own path of pulling down those walls, expressing yourself and welcoming others in. It will entail a lot of healing, forgiveness and extending grace to people along the way.
May we all find strength, wisdom and courage as we evolve and navigate this journey called life. P.S. Don’t forget that God is always there to listen and guide you when needed.
We’ve got this!!
“Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.” Brené Brown