Ije – Experiencing God (Part 1)

My journey with faith and self-discovery has been a remarkable experience. While I’ve shared snippets in previous posts, I still struggle a bit, okay a lot, about the decision to open up about my experiences to the world. Nevertheless, here’s to living boldly and occupying space unapologetically!

Growing up in a Christian home meant I was familiar with the concept of God. Yet, despite attending church regularly, I found it challenging believing in God’s existence. Unanswered questions lingered, and I hadn’t truly encountered that divine connection others talked about. How could I wholeheartedly believe in something proclaimed by people and written in a book authored by humans, not by God himself?

Despite my unbelief, I maintained the habit of praying, instilled in me through Bible study classes and, of course, my mother.

However, a series of experiences led me to explore the existence of God as I desperately needed to believe in the assertions that people made – “God is good, all-knowing and knows our future”. Back then, it seemed most problems that I was acutely aware of had to do with an underlying issue- Lack of love among individuals, myself included. So, it seemed logical to seek out that missing love. I thought if God truly knew all and could do anything, surely, He can give me the capacity to love and receive it in return.

Having just finished High School at 15 with admission to school in another country far from most of my family, I felt uneasy about the uncertainties that lay ahead. I was determined to secure not just love but also my future businesses and even a future husband.

I distinctly recall a prayer session unlike any before. This time, my prayers were grounded in the belief that God would reveal Himself and guide me in planning my life. So, I proposed a plan to God: I’d list my hopes and dreams, and He’d guide my thoughts, nudging me back on track if I deviated from His intended plan.

Armed with a pen and paper, I meticulously jotted down the businesses I wished to establish, the experiences I desired and the qualities I sought in a life partner. As I wrote, I experienced subtle nudges (Lets call them whispers from the Holy Spirit) prompting me to adjust or add certain plans.

That got me excited, like Oh! God does exist! I even added a few safeguards that I knew would not be possible by human standards unless a God who can seemingly do anything, did it. When those safeguards remained unaltered, I thought wow, this will be interesting to witness in future because again, they were humanly impossible to achieve.

Upon completing my plans, thinking how surreal the whole experience was, the Holy Spirit tells me that everything would not come to past if I remained the way I was. WHY!! I screamed as if engaged in a conversation with another person. The Holy spirit explained the plans would not materialise if I did not live my life in a certain way. I sought guidance on what I needed to do and wrote them down.

A little back story, at that age, I was short tempered, had zero patience and I always saw the worst in people. Some of the things the Holy spirit said contradicted my very nature at that time. I remember telling God to help me with those changes as I needed to know my future was safe and locked in before I went off to college.

I was determined to change because there was no way I was going to miss out on everything that we had planned. That experience gave me a sense of peace knowing that God was with me.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:11-13 NIV